Billy Bass — Florida Canal Finale

Billy Bass — Florida Canal Finale

Years ago, when I was visiting my brother Jack Boone in Florida, our dear friend Billy Pontrello had one of those singing Billy Bass plaques mounted in his downstairs washroom. It had a motion sensor, so every time you went in to use the can it would burst into song—“Take me to the river, throw me in the water…”

Charming the first few times. After a month, absolutely maddening.

One evening, after a long day of boating and drinking out on the water with our wives, we tied up the boat at Billy’s place. Jack took the Billy Bass in hand, fed up beyond words. Without hesitation, he marched to the edge of the dock and hurled it into the canal.

it sank slowly, stern first, and with its last dying gasp it croaked out, “Throw me in the waaaater…” as it disappeared beneath the surface.

We collapsed in laughter. It was the most dignified ending that a fish ever got.